i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
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nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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