4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize