first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
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Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm gonna fight the coyote
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize