i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
