It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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