I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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