There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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