Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
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OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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