Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
