he shaved USA in his pubs
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
