Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
