Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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