Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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