dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i think im in europe. pls send help
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