He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
