Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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