I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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