if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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