Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
