Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
