The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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