sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
