remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
