What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
