sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
