Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
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i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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