her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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