I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
