I'm gonna have a badass scar
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I got inside last night via doggy door
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
did i just pee glitter
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
