Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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