I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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