I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
