what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
