hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
