Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
