Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
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I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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