Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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