Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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