thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
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I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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