we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
