end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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