Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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