I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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