She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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