after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
