Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.