Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.