weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.