Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.