Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
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Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.