Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
