After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
