i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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