i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I feel like abortions should bother me more
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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